Posts Tagged ‘Cosmo Kramer’

Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids. I have hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids.

There is a theory that if you confront an uncomfortable situation, it becomes less scary. This is my theory in accepting the fact that I have been dealing with hemorrhoids, pretty much since the birth of my son.

See, and all of my readers thought I’d never shut up about being fat. J

I technically have only one hemorrhoid. My other issue is a tear, something a bit scarier than my fear of having hemorrhoids. If that doesn’t heal, it means the worst of the worst. The fear of the fear. I’m talking about the Ass Man. The proctologist, not Cosmo Kramer.

I won’t go into any further details (click here for that), but I share this information because it is an issue that I have let go on and on for almost eight months. I supposed it is easier to write about it now that I have finally seen my doctor and know how life will proceed.

Mostly, this has felt embarrassing, and slightly painful. There were few moments of panic. And certainly, a pretty constant feeling that seemed not normal, uncomfortable and completely unsexy. And really, with the exception of small story at the end of “Belly Laughs,” and a good friend of mine recommending I pick up some Colace before the baby was born, no one I know talks about this.

The worst thing about it really, is the not knowing, and then, not sharing. I cried when I told my mom, and she was the only person I told. Her reaction was, “You have to get that checked out.” I hid it from Ned … and didn’t tell him until after I went to the doctor. His reaction was, “Are you going to be okay?”

So had I addressed the issue earlier, I would have had all the support in the world that I needed. Who knew?

And now that I’m getting treatment, and adjusting my diet, it makes me wonder how long this will go on, and why it started to begin with; is it just a casualty of being a mom? Do our insides just get so mashed up and scooted around that they’ll never operate the same way again? And most importantly, do I have to drink 64 ounces of water a day from now until the end of time?

That reminds me … I need to pee.

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